yesterdaaay

So yesterday was M's (aunties husband) clinic test, I'm not sure what exactly but it was a 3 hour long test and me, I2 and my aunt went along for moral support.

Three long, tedious, boring hours in a quiet office building.

So the receptionist gave my baby brother some magnets to play with and I was so thankful for the entertainment.

That little baby on the left took me 45 minutes to make. But I am not a quitter and I did it!

&& yes I know how ridiculous it is to feel proud of building a magnetic star. I was desperate! What can I tell you?

So anyways uncle M passed his test so he gets his lab license. And I was just so estatic for him! I honestly think I would have cried if he had failed. I'm just compassionate, hey.

Just an update on my feature film worthy life :] Anyways I'm gonna go watch JD in Pirates of the Carrrr.2 and thaaat=the perfect afternoon.

TTFN<3

work it girrrrl

I think I'm going to start running in the mornings :(
ugh and God knows how much I hate excercise. Or anything that requires me to physically move. Not that I'm lazy or anything. It's just that I prefer mental stimulation :]
But seeing as how a large portion of my family is fat, as my aunt keeps reminding me, it's almost genetically impossible for me to stay skinny for long, and I've just been lucky so far. Well, my luck is running out and I have the lovehandles to prove it :(
Ugh I hate the word skinny. It reminds me of starving children in Africa. No, I don't think of myself as skinny, but modelesque.
And even if I had wanted to put on a few pounds I think it would be better if I didn't.
Because my genes don't do curvy. They do fat.

Face in the mirror

Waiting, just waiting
I looked in the mirror today,
Failed to recognize the face that stared back at me,
And I wondered
Maybe even spoke aloud,
When did this happen?
I turned away but the image
Of the stranger in the mirror haunted me
And however I tried to avoid the thought
It was around every corner,
I couldn’t escape it
Being stalked inside my own head,
Couldn’t escape it
No matter how fast I ran
There I was, there I was
I could run away from all my problems
But this I couldn’t escape
I couldn’t run away from myself
No matter how fast, no matter how far
So I returned to the mirror
And looked closely
And if I looked hard enough I could see who I used to be
Underneath the surface
Out of focus
Elusive
But there.
Beneath the fake persona and the plastic smile,
There.
Just waiting, waiting.
Patiently.
More patiently then any one has ever waited before.
Its me waiting for me.
Waiting for me to realize that I was never lost
But there all along.
Waiting,
Just waiting.
Until I was ready to become
Who I was always meant to be.

Zzzzz

la de da deee daaa.
Not much going on today.
Woke up, ate, sat on the couch and watched TV, ate some more.
I seem to be doing a lot of that.
I'll probably gain 15 pounds this summer alone :
So I started my summer reading two days ago?
With a title like Great Expectations, I was reaaally expecting something great.
But noooooo.
Like a teacher could ever assign summer reading that was actually interesting.
It's like against their religion or something.
So I'm bored out of my mind, slowly wasting away.
You know the feeling? When you fall asleep on the couch a half dozen time even though you're not tired?
Not much else to say.

TI

Most inspirational lyrics ever:

God'll take you through hell just to get you to heaven
So even though it's a heavy load I will carry
Grin and still bear it
Win and still share it
Life can change ya directions Even when you ain't planned it
All you can do is handle it
The worst thing you could do is panic
Use it to your advantage
avoid insanity
manage to conquer every obstacle
make impossible possible
even when winnings illogical
Losing's still far from optional

Oh my

So for some reason my lips are swollen
and I look like Angelina Jolie with a lip enhancement :[
Dear God.
So I have a lot of time to write today because I refuse to go out.
Do I sound incredibley vain?
Guess what?
I DON'T CARE.
I am NOT setting foot outside this house today.

Anyways, yesterday was our dinner party
My only words on that ?
if I ever want a job in waitressing or maid service, I am more than well prepared.

Lost and yet to be Found

So far this summer I've been doing a lot of thinking about life, about myself.
I've cut myself up and put myself under a microscope and I don't know if I like what I see.
So much self evaluation that I just want to get out of my head for a while and forget about everything and just live. But it's kinda like Pandora's box, once it's opened it can't be closed.
So this is what I've come up with.
I don't know who I am.
And Lord knows how pathetic I feel saying that.
Or maybe I do know who I am but I'm just pretending I don't?
And I know my parents worry about me because they think I have absolutely no moral conscience but that's so not true. I have morals and boundaries and sometimes I change them, but that's only because I donn't have my mind made up about everything in the world already.
I'll cross that bridge when I get there kinda philosophy on decision making.
I don't come pre-packaged and ready to serve.
I come in a million little pieces that have to be put together manually without instructions.
Come on, now. It's only fair that you're allowed to put things together wrong the first few times, right?

Too much thought.
I want to escape my thoughts, excape my mind, escape myself.
But there I am.
Jeez. I'm like my own stalker.

Somalis say the darndest things

Rude things people say in MN:
1) I'll give you 10,000 cows for the girl.

But you know what's even ruder?

My aunt says I should be flattered.

State of the Union

In:Minneapolis

Out:

Portland

In:

Skirts

Out:

Jeans

In:

BMW

Out:

Honda

In:
Do I know you from somewhere?

Out:

Are you a model?

In:
Squinting

Out:

Stunna shades

In:
Somalis

Out:

Mexicans (no offense)

In:
Mall of America

Out:

Washington Square

Just a list of the differences I see.
Oh.
And a word of advice.

• If you are a boy and determined to wear flip flops? Please cut your toenails and put lotion on those ashy feet
• Girls? Armpit hair? Not fashionable. No excuses.
• A patterened skirt with a patterened shirt? You look like a walking puzzle.
• If you're hitting on a girl and she ignores you? STOP!
• Sweat stains are unattractive. Point blank.
• I know you may not be able to help it but staring is rude. Please try and be more discreet.
• DO NOT TAKE SOMEONE'S PICTURE WITHOUT ASKING. But remember, if you do ask? You're going to look like a major creeper.

Love you :)
TTFN

Dr. Laura

I love that woman. As of today.

Today as my mom was driving us home from the hair salon, Dr. Laura was busy saving marriages and solving family crises, and I was staring out the window, lost in thought, not really paying her any mind.
When one caller caught my attention.
He was a 60 year old screw up. To put it bluntly. And he was feeling horribley guilty for all the lives he'd ruined and all the mistakes he'd made. Dr.Laura interrupted him, as she's prone to do, and told him a story.
A story that I don't think I'll ever forget.
She used to take tennis lessons. Whenever she messed up a serve she'd freak out and then mess up the next five serves. One day, her instructor called her up to the net and said: "Once you throw the ball, it's gone. There's nothing you can do about it. All that you can do is hit the next ball."
She paused and then said those past 60 years? That ball is long gone. Just make sure you try your best from now on out.
And that is the most important lesson I have learned so far, even though it wasn't meant for me.
See? It's okay for me to slip up and mess up. What's not okay is if I remain stuck in neutral, doing nothing. I can let my past failures effect my future, or I can store them away for future reference and learn how to do things right. Practice makes perfect.
And no. Not tennis.
Life.

grew up a screw up

No this is not a post dedicated to that song.
So, yesterday we went to school to get my report card :/
Talk about buzzkill.
Basically, yesterday was the worst day ever.
My parents basically hate me, and I have ruined the entire summer.
I know that's a little bit of an exaggeration, but that's exactly how it felt yesterday.
That horrible achey feeling where you're heart's in your throat and your insides feel like mush? And you cry and cry and cry and cry and then fall asleep from exhaustion..
And my parents.
I know how they feel, but what about me?
Imagine how I feel. They think I don't care, but I do. I care so much it's like a physical ache.
I screw up a lot, I'm like a pro, but things are changing. I wish they could see how differently I think, how differently I act.
I wonder if they know that it doesn't matter how bad they want good things for me.
I have to want them for myself.
And I do.
Even if they think I don't.
All of this? This is going to shape my. It's like that quote "everything I'm not makes me everything I am."
So you see? Everything I do wrong, will only teach me how to do things right.
I can't go back, so there's no point dwelling on the past. And honestly? I don't even want to.
I want to go forward. I can't erase my mistakes, so it's pointless crying over spilled milk.
All you can do is clean up the mess and move on. What's done is done.
Pray.
Pray that today will be better than yesterday, and tomorrow will be better than today.

The future

Ap tests came in today.
I got a four :)
Yeah, I wanted a 5 but I tried my best, and I'm really proud of myself.
I'm thinking about my future, and it doesn't seem that far away.
I've sold myself short one time too many. It's really sad to think that the only thing standing in the way of my success is not friends, not family, but myself. I am holding myself back.
What kind of idiot holds them self back?!
Seriously.
It is way past time to change my ways.
I'm standing in front of my own light, and its time I got out of the way. It's been dark for awhile now, and I've never fully realized that its my fault.
So step one.
Admit that you are the problem.
Check.
Step two will be a list of things I will do to change, and the final stage will be implementation.
I know I always say I'll change, and this time I really will.
I know why my parents are disappointed sometimes. It's because they see what I've been blind to all along. They see the future. And everything that I can be.
And as of today? The light has been turned on, so to say. Because I see it, too.

Actions speak louder than words, I know.
So wait and see.

over-stimulated

It's four in the morning, and no, I have not just gotten home from a night of wild partying. A, N, I2 have just left for the airport and I'm feeling overly-emotional. A mixture of sadness, pride, envy, love, loneliness- like my nerve ends will explode any moment from over-stimulation.
But they're gone for a month and a half to Canada, and it's their first adventure without me.
I always thought that we'd go everywhere together, experience everything together, and I just can't grasp the fact that they will have memories, and experiences that I won't be apart of.
But they'll have fun with or without me.
No matter how much I wish it was with.



"fairy tales have happy endings, which are so boring. Come up with a new ending for Cinderella, but make sure the icky sister gets the glass slipper. How does Cinderella cope? How does Prince Charming react?"


Everyone is fighting a war inside. The fact of the matter is, you don't know what anyone is going through, so why make things harder than they already are?
For so long I've been judged and misjudged and labeled the "evil scheeming step sister who betrayed Cinderella and stole the prince'. That's not fair, it's just not right.
DO YOU KNOW ME? WHO THE HECK ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?
Geez, sometimes I feel like the Britney Spears of fairy tales. Everyone thinks they know me.
So for once, I'm asking you close-minded ignorant... uh sorry. I'm asking you idiotic, cold-hearted... ugh. In case you haven't noticed, this is kind of an emotional topic for me. What I'm trying to find a nice way to say is, listen. Just listen. Take me out of the box you've mentally put me in and get to know me from the best, from the only source, you can. Me.
--------------------
its four in the dangggg morning.
i'll finish this later.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

World Class :)

So.

I am traveling, for the first time in what feels like forever.

Away, away, away, away. Yes! I'm so excited, I can't wait. Finally!!!!

I've always loved airports, and on the 12th instead of waving goodbye to an aunt, and uncle, a cousin, it will be me that's leaving for parts unknown.

Well, Minnesotta, actually, but parts unknown sounds so much more dramatic.

I really am excited. An adventure. All on my own.

I will be AOMO for the first time in my life.

I'm worried about my parents, though. They're really attached to me, and I hope they'll be okay without their darling daughter. It's like the cutting of the umbulical cord.

It's like sending them off to preschool, and hoping they'll survive.

haahahahaha. That is soooo wrong, its funny.

TTFN

Oh! I almost forgot the prompt of the day.

"fairy tales have happy endings, which are so boring. Come up with a new ending for Cinderella, but make sure the icky sister gets the glass slipper. How does Cinderella cope? How does Prince Charming react?"

I'll do this one tomorrow. Very interesting, though.