Mar 13, 2009

RIP the American Dream

The American dream is the not the quest of every American to own their own home.
Contrary to popular belief, it is not the belief that someone can make it from the slums to the likes of Donald Trump.
No, it's nothing like that.
The American Dream is all about freedom.
It's about driving down the street with the top down, radio blaring, best friend to your right, the sun kissing your face, and wind in your hair.
It's about the need in every single one of us to drive and have a license.
And today at 9:00 AM when I failed my license test, it felt like a part of me died. I felt like freedom was almost in my clutches before a 60+ drive test examiner, whose breath REEKED of alcohol, no less, snatched it away from me.
So let's pray for my American Dream to RIP.
Oh America, you have failed me.

Mar 11, 2009

All my life my mother has told me that public transportation is the "evil of all evils."
That is a direct quote.
She has told me that public transportation is the truth behind the boogeyman. That it's where girls are raped, and kids are kidnapped, and people are shot, and sometimes homeless people that kind of smell like pee will sit next to you and ask you for money, and if you don't give it to them they'll pull out a knife.
I think you can see where I inherit my tendency to exaggerate.
So, anyways, I have always been afraid of the bus.
I mean, duh. You'd be kind of on crack if you weren't after being told that for so many years.
Then everything changed.
Just this September I decided that I wouldn't be going back to high school, but starting the early college program.
The only problem was I had no way to get there. And I steamed, and I stewed. Cuz, to be honest? I thought maybe she'd have me walk, but I told her, just to be clear, that that was the quickest way to adding me to the National High School Dropout statistics. But she said, oh no, don't worry. I have it all figured out.
And she handed me my very first bus pass.
You can only imagine how I must have felt.
I racked my brain trying to remember what I'd done to deserve a "fate worse then walking ten miles in stilletos." (how do you spell stilletoes?!)
And, no. I admit, that is not a direct quote.
So you see. It turns out she exaggerated when it came to the whole bus thingy.
Which really makes me think about what else isn't true.
Do girls really get raped at high school football parties? Is it really illegal to be out after 6?
How will I ever be able to distinguish truth from my mother's tragic attempts to keep me five forever?
Well, either way.
I'm on to her.

Mar 5, 2009

Fast forward

Sometimes I talk about unimportant things.
And sometimes I talk about really important things, like John Mayer and other cute boys, clothes, and most important of all, American Idol. I talk about world peace, too duh, and things like Obama's healthcare plan and unemployment rates, but really, American Idol.
I'm spontaneous and impulsive, but I've always been a follower of the "Why Fix it if it's Broken" philosophy, and American Idol was definitely not broken. So why, why, why, why did they feel the need to throw my world into complete disarray and add a FOURTH judge to the show?!
Don't get me wrong, Kara Dioguardi is bee-yooo-tiful. But someone please tell me what the point of having a fourth judge is? I would understand if she had some completely radical opinions, but noooooo. All she can do is repeat what the other three judges said. Um, okay? Oh, and since I'm going to be famous one day I don't want this to start some big controversy, so disclaimer!!!! disclaimer!!! No offense intended, Kara love. I mean, you're fabulous and all, just not on American Idol.
So I really, really hope you don't mind that whenever you start to speak on the show I fast forward. And if I've already reached live TV then I mute.
Again, no offense intended.