"you carry people. you carry me." hey chuck bass, carry me, please!

Best. Gossip Girl. Episode. Ever.

True, that is an hour (well, more if you count how many times I had to rewind and rewatch...) that I could have spent studying for my Political science final tomorrow, but I HAD to watch it.

Gossip Girl is much more than a TV show for me. It's a part of my schedule. I wait all week for Mondays at nine o'clock. It's the highlight of my life. And I know it goes against everything I believe in, and I am just another victim of society's use of the media to dumb down the masses, but I don't care.

And after watching Chuck Bass Gossip Girl last night I have realized just how incomplete my life is. If you don't watch Gossip Girl, I feel so, so, so, so sorry for you. You are like someone who has only showered their entire life, and never known the luxury of a bath. Like someone who has only ever worn shoes from Payless, and never tried on owned a pair of Louboutins in a Saks fitting room.

(Hey CW, you should hire me!!!!)

And most of all, you are missing out on Chuck Bass. To be honest, he's the only reason I watch the show. His character's so deeply flawed, but saved, he's grown so much in two seasons, he's it's beautiful.

Damn you, Josh Schwartz. You have ruined me for real life.

Obsession, not the perfume but just as strong

How could this happen? How could the world's most perfect couple break up?

Yes, I'm talking about Gossip Girl's Dan and Serena, and yes, I'll admit it, I'm a little obsessed.

It's just that Monday nights episode actually made me sad. The scene where they broke up was so emotional. And Gossip Girl isn't the kind of show that makes you feel anything. It's the one you watch and say, "Well this absolutely ridiculously fake," but you race to the TV set every Monday night at 8 anyways.

I guess I've just invested too much into their relationship. Their fake on-screen relationship that is. I hear they're together in real life, though :-O Ohhhhhh.

And I know this blog was pointless, but I felt I owed it to the memory of their relationship.

And God stop looking at me like I'm an idiot, I know it's just TV.

You know, I've always wanted to be on TV. OR at least for my life to resemble a TV show. So much drama, the people are so beautiful, the clothes expensive, the makeup flawless, and life is so exciting! Compared? My life seems so boring.
Maybe I'll move to Cali and waitress in a restaurant while I audition for shows and movies in my spare time. I'm sure I'll get something, even if it IS just a tiny little part and all they call me is Girl 7. Little things lead to bigger things, right? Forget journalism and law. I want to quit my (admittedly nonexistent) job, drop out of college, get in my car (Drivers ed starts saturday!), move to Hollywood, live on the outskirts of 90210 (yes! I love that show, too) and become the next Audrey Hepburn.

Realistic, not so much. Interesting, you betcha.

You know you love me (how gossip girl was THAT?!),

Jxxxx

just shoot me

when the going gets tough
the tough watch television

true story, folks. it seems like the more i have to do in regards to school and work, the more time i have to watch tv.

so without further ado...

my favorite television couples:

1) Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl


my obsession love of gossip girl is no secret. and there is no love story i love more than the tumultuous, angst ridden one. and if i happen to love one half of this equation more than the other...? it's not like i imagine myself in her place too often. That'd be weird. And more than a little romantic creepy.

2. Dan Humphrey and Serena Van Der Woodsen from Gossip Girl

They'd be number one, but the fact that their parents are now married demotes them. In their defense they're no longer dating. There's just something about Dan: he's a tall, dark and handsome writer that has been published in the New York Times. What's not to love?

3. Lisa Cuddy and Gregory House from House

You watch House, right? Who doesn't watch House? And Cuddy and House's dysfunctional relationship has been a long time coming. He's an arrogant, brilliant jerk, and she is his strong, sassy supervisor: the only woman ever to be elected the hospital's dean of medicine.

4. Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler from Law and Order SVU

My relationship with Law and Order is a double edged sword. It's like watching a car accident. It sickens me, but I can't look away. I feel the same way about Benson and Stabler's not-quite relationship. They're partners, and they always have each other's back. Now that sounds like the foundation of a very healthy, happy relationship. Now if only Elliot could get rid of his pesky wife...

5. Kyle Richards and Mauricio Umansky in The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

I'm a little embarrassed, but in my defense it was late at night and I was in a bad way. I was tired, and I had work in the morning, and a ton of reading to do. So to make myself feel better I reached for the remote, and The Real Housewives was on. I had never seen it before, in fact, I had scoffed at it, until I begun to watch it. The majority of the women and men on the show are skimpy, skanky airheads, but Kyle and Mauricio have something special. They're rich, they have five kids, and they live in a freaking mansion.
Now that I think about it, maybe the only reason their relationship seems so stellar is because of all the other dysfunctional relationships on the show. And let me just tell you, the bar is not very high.

angst and ardor

It's a bad relationship.
I haven't seen him in three months. He's been away, I guess you could say.
In these three months I'd convinced myself that I didn't miss him. I'd convinced myself that I didn't care that he didn't ask how I felt about him leaving.
Maybe he knew that if he asked I'd throw myself at his feet, collapse into sobs, and ask "What else am I supposed to do on Monday nights?"

He's back now. And it's as if he never left. Call me weak, I call it love.

Do you feel like you're walking in on the middle of a conversation?
Sorry. I do that a lot.
But with him, I just don't know where to begin.
Mondays are our days. I pretend that I'm not sitting on the coach by my sister and cousin. I pretend that he hasn't bewitched a million other girls all over the world. Not gonna lie, it's extremely difficult when we can only see each other one day a week, but trust me, it wasn't my choice. The only other times I get to see him are in my dreams, in reruns of Gossip Girl, or when I (occasionally, I might add) google stalk him.

If you knew me, you would know that I have never met a boy I like liked. I have met boys that I have liked, boys that I have hated (yes, hate is a strong word, but that's why I used it), and boys who have stalked me (i'll tell you all about one of these days. it was a very exciting traumatic experience).

Chuck Bass was the first boy to make my heart skip a beat. He was the first boy I let wander into my thoughts, and invade my dreams. The first boy I dedicated an entire day to. The first boy I ever really like liked.

And this is why I will be single for the rest of my life, curled up in front of the television watching Gossip Girl. And when the show goes off air, I will wear sweatpants in the house for a month, rent every season of GG, buy every flavor of ice cream (not because I'm mopey, but because I like ice cream, okay?), and say goodbye.

For now I am more than happy to wait all week for Monday night at 8 oclock. Right now I am more than happy to be thought of the-girl-no-guy-can-get, as opposed to the-crazy-girl-that-is-pining-for-a-tv-character.

Normal people don't like pain.

I'm sick :/

I woke up at four this morning with the worst stomach ache ever, followed by hours of porcelain worship.

TMI, I know.

I am exhausted. My tummy hurts. I missed my first day of classes. But above all, I am not allowed to eat anything. I'm only allowed to drink "clear liquids". So now I am angry.

Because nothing stands between me and my food.

Oh wait, wait!

Gossip girl is on tonight :)

Two words: Chuck Bass.

What was that I said about feeling sick...?

Gossip girl (or more specifically, Chuck, Nate, and Dan): A cure for what ails you.

I'm going crazy: Britney Spears circa 1999

Initially I was going to write a letter to Chuck Bass. I know, I know, I'm slightly Gossip Girl obsessed. Okay. Fine. More than slightly.

But I decided not to. On account of the fact that it would be more than a little psycho writing a letter to a fictional character.

Plus, if my mother taught me anything, it was to never throw myself at boys. (Which I don't. See, I'm more of play-so-hard-to-get-people-will-think-you've-got-an-ice cube-for-a-heart-type of girl. Except I don't. I would just rather spend my time pining for book and tv characters.)

Sigh.

You know when you tell someone you're not talking to them? But than you talk to the person next to them really, really loud, but only because you want them to hear?

Yeah. That's what I've just done.

Except for the fact that Chuck Bass will not hear because Chuck Bass does not exist.
And I am stopping right here because even I realize how ridiculous this has all gotten.

I need a job.
Actually, what I need is money, and since I'm not so keen on prostitution and drug dealing, getting a job seems the best way to do this.
I'm sick. Not physically, oh no, I'm fit as a fiddle. What I suffer from is Hyper reality. No girlfriend, I did not make that up.
Ever since I started watching Gossip Girl, and 90210, and all the other tv shows I would never admit to watching if you confronted me, I have begun measuring my own standard of living by their standard of living. Them being the TV characters. Not even the people who act them, but the people inside the TV.
I know I sound insane, but I can't help it! When I go to the mall and my friend says "Oh this dress would look so hot on you," I take one look and say "Serena would never wear that." When my cousin points at a guy and says "Oh, he's a cutie!" I take one look and say, "Oh him? He doesn't compare to Nate." My cousin looks at me baffled and says, "Huh? Whose Nate?" And I sheepishly hang my head, and mumble "Some kid from school."
So recently I have been looking through my wardrobe and I realized that NOTHING I own would be worn by the girls that go to Constance Billard. (Please don't ask.) So my sense of style has changed dramatically, much to the dismay of my mother's pocketbook.
She has realized that she can no longer take me shopping because my style now leans towards Very Expensive. Plus the economy.
Anywho. A girl of seventeen on the social scene of the Upper East Side (please don't point out I live in the Pacific Northwest) needs a wardrobe, and since my mother won't pay for it, the burden now lies on my shoulders.
So that is why I have to get a job.
So I can fit in with the people on TV.
My mother says that it's not a job I need, but therapy.
Retail therapy, anyone?

Yahoo questions make me feel better about myself

If you can't see this is what it says:

I'm really in a weird situation because I feel like I'm in love with someone I don't even know (a really really famous celebrity) or at least infatuated with them. At the beginning I used to always use to be on his fan site but I stopped recently. Still I find myself thinking about him all the time and I can't help myself. Whenever I hear a rumor he is dating someone my heart stops and I feel really heartbroken (as silly as it sounds). I hate this but I know that this is more than a crush. I feel like I am a realistic person and even though I tell myself it will never happen I feel like I secretly feel like we will eventually be together. HELP this is really getting out of hand!!!!! Thank You

Dear Girl Asking Silly Question,

It is very disturbing/refreshing to realize that there are people like you out there. Even though I am quite head over heels for Chuck Bass/Nate Archibald/Dan Humphrey there is a fundamental difference between me and you. You are insane, and I am pretty sure that you have no chance with whatever celeb you're crushing over. I on the other hand merely lack transportation. It's a little difficult to introduce yourself to somebody when you're on opposite sides of the country. I know for a FACT that if I were to run into any of the Gossip Girl boys they would be as in love with me as I am with them. Trust me. It's practically a done deal. I advise you to move on and get a life. You're actually kind of pathetic in a completely endearing way. So sorry to be so blunt.

Take care!

Television has ruined me

I miss Gossip Girl.
There. I've said it. If you are sick and tired of reading about my GG obsession, that I swear to God is NOT an obsession, feel free to click the tiny X in the right hand corner of the page.
...
You're still here!
Now I can safely assume that you're secretly obsessed with GG, too. Please humor me.
Monday April 27th is the season finale. And I don't know what I'll do.
Of course I'll watch it, with a huge bag of Salt and Vinegar chips, and vanilla ice cream, and afterwards I will cry myself to sleep and mourn the loss of my best friends forever.
Omg. That is incredibley sad, I know.
But true.
So very, very true.

Where am I?

Messiah Complex: not just the general wish, but an overt or covert desire to redeem the world or to improve the conditions of the world. The messianic wish is not merely a general wish for improved conditions and for changes for the better, but the wish of that private person to become personally the redeemer of the world.

thehope.org

So I want to save the world. Whatever. It's not like I've made any progress. So sometimes I just stop thinking. I give up and I think, The world is full of nearly six billion people. Why the hell am I the only one who can save the world? Let somebody else get off their lazy ass and do it. And then I feel bad. Then I feel worse so I put on my headphones and blast music until I can't hear the rest of the world and my thoughts pool into a jumbled mess that I can't follow. Or I get under my covers and watch Gossip Girl. Either way it's escape. Sometimes I wish my life were a story I was writing, and I could erase myself and plunk myself down a few chapters from now. Create some drama, some suspense, some life. I sit and daydream sometimes about all the different ways my life could go and it makes me wonder, how did I get here?

How do any of us get where we are, really? We're all walking around in a haze, and I am coming out of stupor. I am coming out of stupor, but all I want is to go back to sleep. When it comes to realization and oblivion one will always choose the latter.

But me, I have chosen neither. I am in an inscrutable shade of gray... I am on the path that takes you from nowhere to somewhere but I've stopped walking and now I don't know which path leads where anymore.

I AM NICE, SEE ME SMILE!

Please don't ask me how many new people I've talked to, because I would lie. I would say five, even though it was only one guy that my teacher forced me to be in a group with. So I'm think that doesn't even count. He was one of those people that lovveee the sound of their own voice.

He was like Hey, and I was like Hi I'm Ja-

Well, I'm Ian.

Oh okay. Nice to meet you-

God this class is so long, don't you think?

Yeah it is extre-

I don't know if you agree with me or not, that's just my opinion.

And I just sat there for five minutes and listened to him talk to himself.

But it hasn't been a complete failure. 

I've been smiling at people more often.

I'm sure that counts for something, right?

I mean, I'm not really a snob? Because I'm nice! I'm one of the nicest people I know!
Except one people bump in to me and don't apologize or when someone says something I don't like or when... well that is all extremely irrelevant right now.

But I'm nice to whom I choose to be. And when I choose to be nice, I am verrry, verrry nice.

Well wish I could stay and chat but I have a bus to catch.

Damn Gossip girl and all their chauffeurs.