Jul 31, 2009

Happy 100th

Sometimes I feel like I'm too big for my house, too big for this damn city, too big for my own tiny head. I feel like a can of soda left in the freezer that then explodes from all the pressure inside itself. Sometimes I feel like it's all too much. I miss kindergarden, and nap time, and doing what I was told. Well, not really because I was never very good at doing what I was told. But as summer draws to a close and senior year looms ever closer, I'm scared because it's all coming too soon.
I'm pulling myself apart, part of me wants to get up and go running towards the future without ever looking back, and part of me wants to get in bed, squeeze my eyes shut and force time back by the sheer strength of my memories.

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun
Stop this train, I wanna get off and go home again...
I can't take the speed its moving in
"Stop This Train" by John Mayer

And I guess we all learn that we can't stop the train, not ever. It's heading towards its destination and it stops for no one. All you can do is whisper sweet nothings in the ear of the conducter and try and coax it into a direction of your choosing. And one day it will stop, force you off into the great perhaps, and that's that. I hope when I get off the train, I hope when you get off the train, we'll be in a good enough place to build our futures.

Thank you for reading. Happy 100th post :)

My daddy he is grounded like the oak tree
My momma she is steady as the sun
Oh, you know I love my folks
But I keep starin' down the road
Just lookin' for my one chance to run
Hey, cause I will soar away like a blackbird
I will blow in the wind like a seed
I will plant my heart in the garden of my dreams
And I will grow up where I wander wild and free
Born to Fly by Sara Evans

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