Cinderella is STILL fairest of them all

Where has J disappeared to?
Awww, so nice of you to miss me!
(Play along, dear, we all want to feel loved)
Truth is I haven't really been up to much, except school kicking my ass and the 50 year old who asked for my phone number and the creepo from the bus part 2.
But I am tired and I just wanted to let you know I'm alive and well, with plenty of funny stories to share.
But not this time.
Soon, I promise.

I Love you World, so could you please just love me back?
Jxx

2+2= you have GOT to be kidding me

Math class.

Well, let me start off by saying that Eid was amazing yesterday :)

I wish I could have that feeling everyday.

But that would kind of defeat the purpose.

Anywaaaays.

Where was I?

Oh yeah. 
Math class.

So I'm getting sick and I'm really, really tired and my head aches and my stomach is queesy but heaven forbid I miss 2 days of school in a row :| 

So I was annoyed and paying particular attention to every little thing that I normally wouldn't have noticed.

Like the kid in my math class that shpws up 15 minutes late EVERY class with a Big Mac and Soda. And then he has the nerve to come back 15 minutes AFTER break and then ask ME what he missed with his greasy cheeseburger breath.

Jeez.

And the teacher?! She is a total double-you-tee-efff. She talks in this loopy-dooo voice and floats around the room like she's high all class. Plus, she makes these corny jokes and THEN guffaws all by herself while we just stare at her like "uh. math? please?"

God.

The things we go through for an education.   

And these thoughts keep me wired like a hot cup of coffee. (even though I don't drink coffee. It stunts your growth. And makes your teeth yellow)

It's a little past 10, I have an 8 am writing class tomorrow, essay completed, questions unanswered. I should be in bed but I can't turn my mind off, so in an attempt to get some much (much, much, much) needed sleep, I transfer my problems on to paper (or in this case, website) leaving the words to sort themselves out.
I'm wondering if it's possible for people to change so completely that you don't recognize them anymore. I'm wondering if, maybe, you never knew them at all.
I'm wondering if it's possible to love and hate someone all at the same time. Or no, I'm wondering if it's possible to love someone, but not like them.
I'm wondering if reminding someone over and over again will make them remember.
I'm wondering if I hold on tight enough I can keep you close to me, even though you're fighting, and struggling, and screaming for release.
I'm wondering if you know that I'm scared to let go. I'm scared that you won't ever come back. Not literally, but metaphorically, duh.
I'm wondering if it's all my fault, and I'm just in denial.
I'm wondering if you care, even if it's just a little.
I'm wondering if you remember sharing secrets and stories. I wonder if you remember crying together until we were all out of tears, laughing together until our stomachs seized and cramped, but laughing anyways.
I'm wondering how you can be so oblivious to all the pain your causing. Actually, I'm wondering if you're not oblivious, but you're just looking the other way.
I'm thinking I'll have to ride this storm the best I can and see what happens.
I'm thinking I should go to sleep.

Good Night World,
Love J.

Heatwave

Oh My God.
I am so mad I feel like I will combust in ten seconds. I feel like a ticking time bomb. No, I feel like a shaken pop can with an infinite amount of pressure building up inside of it, waiting, just waiting, for some idiot to open it. Only I will not erupt, or actually I will erupt, only not in sickly sweet carbonated liquid, but in screams and tears and misplaced punches. I feel like a damn has burst inside of me. I feel like fire, like a fever, only I'm not sick with the flu, I'm sick with rage.
I don't know how else to describe how I feel other than I feel like the color red, like a bad fight, or, or, like when they don't have the jeans you wanted in your size. (Yes, I know how materialistic that sounded).
And I don't want to say why I'm so mad, other than how much I hate it when I am made helpless and when I am talked down to and made to look like a fool and I can't do anything about it but fight back tears and wallow in the melted puddle, in the sole remnants of my own self worth.

Calm down, J, seriously, just chill.

Bite me. I'm 16 years young and I'm having a good-day-turned-bad-night.
I think I'm entitled to a little melodrama.

The Wishing Well

If I could I would, take two.

(I can't remember what number I was on and I'm too lazy to go back and check. Sorry. Well, actually. No, I'm not sorry.)

1.Snap my fingers and my three page essay due Tuesday would disappear.

2.Snap my fingers and my Sociology teacher would forget we have a test Monday (that I have not studied for.) And that we had to read chapter 2.

3. Never mind. This isn't working.

Uhh am I sensing a theme here?

No, I am not schizo

Dear J of Today,

Stop worrying about me. You've buried me, so stop digging me back up. 

You're not like me. You won't make the same mistakes I did.

Granted you'll make other, possibly stupider ones, but that's for J of Tomorrow to talk to you about.

 You're on the right track.

 Just keep walking.

Love,

J of Yesterday