betrayal

a betrayal is the worst kind of heartbreak there is.
it’s a knife in the back.
it’s a lie told through a smile.
it’s reaching out for a hand and coming back, palms empty.
it’s the cold realization that nothing is ever as it seems, and that we were never as we thought we were.

honesty is unflinching. it’s the greatest form of love there is. to be honest with someone is to say, i love you enough to tell you the truth. i love you more than my pride, more than my own self importance.

i’ve never been one to trust easily, never been one to collect friends on the cloak of my back. but eventually you realize that no one can go through life alone, and you pick your family, and you love them with a fierceness that births a thousand brand-new suns.

i would take anger over disappointment any day of the week. anger is a fire that breathes only temporarily. disappointment festers. it swims in veins and builds itself a home behind the ribcage.

i am disappointed. in this web that i’ve been caught up in. i want nothing to do with this- i never wanted anything to do with any of this. i only ever wanted anything to do with you.

sister-girls: all of you. it’s a shame you didn’t know me as well as i thought you did.

blood promise

do not whisper forever
against the soft pink of me



son of adam,
you are naught but a number of days

Hearbreak

I'm a little bit heartbroken.
If you've been reading my blog for a while now, I'm sure you've picked up on the fact that I don't give my heart away easily. I've only been in LOVE love a few times. My most serious relationship involved John Mayer. Then there was still is Chuck Bass. (What? the word relationship is up for interpretation, is it not? Your idea of a relationship might not be my idea of a relationship).
But before them there was Aladdin Tarzan Tuxedo Mask my first true love. Prince William.
I was fourteen when I saw an interview with him on the news and my heart went pitter-patter. I looked into at his on the television screen and I knew that we were destiny.
Don't forget I was in middle school: from my standpoint he had a lot of things going for him. He didn't wear braces and get food stuck in them. He didn't snap bra straps. And most importantly, he was a prince, and as loathe as I am to admit, one of my secret fantasies still is was to grow up to become a princess.

True, I didn't find him at all amazingly attractive, but he was a prince and no one is perfect.

But it just wasn't meant to be. The universe has conspired against me, and P.W has chosen to make another woman his bride. He just couldn't hold out any longer. To be honest, I don't resent him for it at all. There is only so long that someone can wait.

If only I had moved to England when I first saw him. If only I had followed my heart.
If only, if only.

I wonder if John Mayer's still single...

hi.

i don't write enough, i know it.
i miss you all. i miss summer. the weather was warm, and i could stay up all night, and sleep in the next day. but mostly, i wrote. and wrote. and wrote.
i don't do much of that anymore.

hope you're all doing lovely.

be love <3