Nov 10, 2009

good things don't come easy

I want to go to a park, lay in the grass, and see princesses and unicorns among the clouds. I want to see them and believe they're there. I don't want to pretend.
I want to write the book that's been floating around in my head for seventeen years, and I want you to read it. More than that, I want it to punch you in the gut. I want you to feel it.
I want to go for a run and feel the runner's high people are always talking about.
I want to buy my mother a house one day. A house with lots of windows that let the sunshine in, and a huge fireplace that will warm her while she watches Arabic sitcoms.
I want to be the best daughter, the best sister, the best friend.
I want to talk on the phone for hours and catch up, without once racking my brain for what to say next.
I want to get hopelessly lost without being hopelessly afraid.
I want to be able to give directions when I'm asked for them.
I want to know where I'm going.
I want to play video games with my little brother for a few hours, and jump on the bed with Ilyas until the springs break and all that's left is the mattress and the sweat and the rubble of remembrance.
I want to sleep outside and not miss my bed. I want to be okay with not knowing. I want to be comfortable in the dark. I want no more nightmares.
I want a bookshelf that reaches the heavens that holds all the books I've ever read, and all the books I want to read. I want someone to read beside me.
I want to read a poem to an audience, and I want them to know that I have given them a piece of me.
I want to buy ridiculously expensive shoes. I want to join the Peace Corps. I want to save the world.
I want to be girl that the song is about. I want someone to write poems about me, but then again I don't. I want to be the girl that can't be captured in words.
I want to take a road trip with no destination but away, and nothing but a full tank of gas and people that make me laugh.
I want to ride a Vespa down the streets of Italy. Write a story in a cafe in France. Backpack through Europe. Take a soul vacation.
Wear a hat without looking silly. Never take the bus again. Make the rules. Meet a boy. Be okay with being vulnerable. I want to play for keeps, and not just for the win.
Learn how to speak another language. Live in New York for a summer, move before it starts to rain.
I want to stop losing things, or maybe just lose less things. Replace those special earrings that I lost long ago. Find a way to go back in time, and then decide not to because I like where I am. Remember everything. Never forget. Smile and mean it. Find God and seek redemption. Wear hijab. Ask for advice.

I want to sing whenever I want, wherever I want, whatever I want, and as loud as I want. It would mean the world to me if you sang along.

What do you want?

1 comment:

Shu said...

You're magnificant.