I haven't vanished off the face of the Earth.
I have not been kidnapped for my awesome style tips.
I am still alive, and my heart is still very much beating.
FOR KRIS ALLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's married :( Is this going to be a pattern?
John Mayer was with Jennifer Aniston, Chuck Bass didn't exist, and Kris Allen is married.
I fail at life.
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