Apr 3, 2009

It was ridiculous of me to think that I could say goodbye without crying. It was ridiculous of me to think that I could, somehow, despite how apart of me you are, be nonchalant about it. I really don't know what I was thinking.
Did I really think I could say goodbye to my other half, my sister in crime, my Hollywood like best friend forever, without losing a part of myself?
There's a whole in my chest, and it hurts like hell. I think my heart is breaking; let me explain. I am not some wimpy girl crying over a boy she has known for two weeks and convinced herself she would marry. I am a girl hurting over the loss of her sister. I am a girl whose had a part of her ripped out, and haphazardly stapled and glued and paper clipped together.
Hold my hand and let's dance across the pages of our memories. Slip back into time and watch our time together from a different angle. Let's set the soundtrack of our time together on repeat, and this time, let's sing at the top of our longs, regardless of how tired we are, or how many times we've heard the song before.
People are meant to be together. It's cruel to bring people together only to violently rip them apart. We're good together. I wouldn't call us two halves of a whole: we're not so alike. But were like two polar opposites that go well together. Like ketchup and Mac and Cheese. Like apple juice and oranges.
I'm empty inside, like a deflated bike tire. You know the feeling where you really want cereal, but there's no milk? It's been like that times infinity.
The hurt won't heal overnight, maybe not even at all. But it will get easier. It always does. Or at least that's what they tell me.
I wish I could keep everyone I loved right here, right next to me, for always.
But I can't, and you're gone, and I'm sad.
I miss you.
It's tangible.
It's not a feeling, but a big, heavy brick in the center of my being.
I miss you.

1 comment:

Shu said...


I'm sorry J. That must suck. Missing someone so close. I hope it gets better soon.