Aug 20, 2008

Dear You,

We have so many, many, many memories together. Good ones, bad ones, better ones, worse ones... I wouldn't say you've been there for me my entire life, but you have witnessed my entire life. And that means a lot, to know that you know everything about me. I'm so comfortable around you it's almost ridiculous. We're two halves but together we make a whole and a half. We're two peas in a pod and then some. I don't know where I end and where you begin. You've been with me for so long that you've become apart of me.
But lately things have changed. I need you, I do. But you don't need me, it seems. You've turned into a cancerous tumor that is begging to be evicted. I wish I knew what you were thinking. I wish that I could cut you open and see whats ailing you. Is it me?
I used to read you like a book but all of a sudden like some manic director you've changed the script, swapped scenes, edited the ending. But you didn't tell me. You didn't tell me. And I was left standing in the storm without an umberella. I was expecting sun, you see.
Maybe the fault is mine. I don't know. To be honest I don't know has become my way of life when it comes to you.
I miss you. I guess that's all I'm trying to say. And it hurts, like you've cut up my heart and crazy glued the pieces back together, to know you don't miss me too.
Usually I don't get attached to people so they don't phase me, I act aloof. Like I don't care.
Somehow I don't think that was an option with you. The answer was there and there were no other choices.
Attached. Like my left leg. My right ear, my broken arm. Part of me no matter what. I cannot disattach you from me anymore than I can disattach me from myself.
I love you. It sounds so foreign like I'm speaking another language and I fear you won't understand me. I took it for granted that you knew, maybe that was my first mistake. Maybe I should have let you know and not have assumed you did. It seems crazy to me that you wouldn't know, that I love you, more than I love myself. I do. I do. I do. Maybe I should stop trying to fix things and let life take its due course and let the pieces fall where they may. Maybe things will get better, maybe they won't. But for now I will sit back and watch you like one of those suspense movies we're so fond of. The kind that has elaborate plot lines and twist endings. And I'll hope, and I'll pray for a happy ending. Happy, like we used to be.


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