Jun 12, 2011

the end

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. We must die to one life before we can enter another."
Anatole France

i'm eating ice cream and chocolate cake and trying to write something. i haven't written anything in a while, and it's getting uncomfortable. it's kind of like constipation. too much? maybe?

i've started everything is illuminated by jonathan safran foer. it's good so far.

i'm done with school. i'm officially a senior in college.

in two days i'll be done with work. (i work in a second/third grade classroom). i'm afraid the kids will forget me. for the life of me i don't want them to.

i'm a little sad that everything's coming to an end. i was so excited for the end, so excited to be done, but i'm so sad. i don't know what to do with the end now that it's here.

that's why that anatole france quote means so much to me- because i feel that way. it's grief, that achy sadness that you can't shake off. i'm grieving because i will never again be the girl that i am this year, i am grieving for the girl i was the year before that, and the year before that.

this sadness won't last. i know in a few days it'll be gone and it'll be officially summer, and i will drink lemonade and get a suntan. but it will come again. it always does.


sanchez said...

I miss my current posts too.

I do really love this, I understand, in so many ways, but at the same time I don't know anything. I've just started my exams, next year will be my last year in high school, and I guess that's a little strange to think about cause all I'm doing right now is just trying to not scream at work.

and I really want to post something current, I always do, but I'm also really scared, like you said it's sort of like I'm grieving for that old part of me, that didn't care as much, and if you can't tell I guess I've changed so much so soon. I post current things on my tumblr but they are quite like my blog. It's always hard to explain what I mean.

anyway I really hope you submit an entry. I've always loved your writing.


issy! said...

awwwwww!!! that makes me sad!! but it was funny at the begging i lvoe that little analogy lol oh im issy by the way! i shouldve started with that but im a jumper lol ya i like ur blog :D i would really appriciate it if u would go to my blog :D