May 7, 2011

monotony

i am so tired of the same old routines. it's a half hour past midnight and i want to shout: does it ever get better? i am waiting. don't ask me for what... i couldn't tell you, but i feel as if i've spent my entire life waiting.

and if you think about it, we are all waiting for something. for a boyfriend or a husband to call. for the weekend. for a cab or a train or a plane. for a baby, for the flowers we planted last month to fight their way into life.

and the fact that i am not alone in this should make me feel better, but it depresses the hell out of me. it is spring, and this sense of monotony makes me ache. the days bleed so thoroughly into the other that they blur. it gets hard to distinguish one from the other.

1 comment:

Some Girl said...

This reminds me of this quote from the film Synecdoche, New York:
"Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved."