sweet things

... I found myself drifting back to the morning Leo told me that my face was his favorite in the world. He said it just like that, utterly matter-of-factly and unsentimentally over coffee. I was wearing no makeup, my hair pulled back in a ponytail, sun from his living room window streaming in my eyes. But I believed him. I could tell he meant it.

"Thank you," I said, blushing, thinking that his face was by far my favorite, too. I wondered if this, more than anything else, is a sign of true love.
Then he said, "I will never get tired of looking at you... Never."

love the one you're with, emily giffin.

books have ruined me for real life. no real man will ever compare.

Hearbreak

I'm a little bit heartbroken.
If you've been reading my blog for a while now, I'm sure you've picked up on the fact that I don't give my heart away easily. I've only been in LOVE love a few times. My most serious relationship involved John Mayer. Then there was still is Chuck Bass. (What? the word relationship is up for interpretation, is it not? Your idea of a relationship might not be my idea of a relationship).
But before them there was Aladdin Tarzan Tuxedo Mask my first true love. Prince William.
I was fourteen when I saw an interview with him on the news and my heart went pitter-patter. I looked into at his on the television screen and I knew that we were destiny.
Don't forget I was in middle school: from my standpoint he had a lot of things going for him. He didn't wear braces and get food stuck in them. He didn't snap bra straps. And most importantly, he was a prince, and as loathe as I am to admit, one of my secret fantasies still is was to grow up to become a princess.

True, I didn't find him at all amazingly attractive, but he was a prince and no one is perfect.

But it just wasn't meant to be. The universe has conspired against me, and P.W has chosen to make another woman his bride. He just couldn't hold out any longer. To be honest, I don't resent him for it at all. There is only so long that someone can wait.

If only I had moved to England when I first saw him. If only I had followed my heart.
If only, if only.

I wonder if John Mayer's still single...

it's a new year

It's a new year. Well, not technically, but if you're under the age of 25 than you know what I mean because our lives revolve around the school year. Sadly.
And every new year practically REQUIRES a list of resolutions. A list of ways you will better your life. A list that will gather dust under your bed change your life. So here are my resolutions. Here are the things that I will do this coming year, the code that I will live by! Hurrah! I challenge you, as a self declared life coach (what?! it is all about speaking with conviction. trust me.), to make your very own new years list. It'll change your life. It can change your life. If you let it, that is. So, without further ado...

1) I will eat healthy. I realize that I have been saying this forever, but this time I actually mean it. My body is a temple, my body is a temple, my body is a temple... this mantra is to be repeated 50 times before bed.

2) I will do all my homework. I'm an expert slacker, but I've managed to get by unscathed. My luck is due to run out soon.

3) I will be organized. I will realize that my floor does not serve as additional closet space, and I really am sick and tired of waking up an hour early just to find my phone.

4) I will get to know more hot guys people. Hot guys people hot guys people can be amazing, if you give them a chance. This is why I will view everyone I meet as a potential boyfriend. Friend. Friend. If they happen to be boys? I don't discriminate. I am an equal opportunity befriender.

5) I will write. Because I have things to say and a captivated fan base that deserves it stories to tell and pictures to paint. Metaphorical pictures, that is. Unless I'm on the receiving end of a camera.

6) I will get over my obsession with Chuck Bass. Oh, who am I kidding. Our relationship (okay, I realize that is a bit of a stretch) is well documented. Case in point.

7) I will save money. I will, I will, I will. I am a fan of nice, expensive shoes that I cannot afford. I would like to be able to afford them.

8) I will follow this list. I will let it change my life. This took a substantial amount of time, and I will NOT let it go to waste.

Change is in the air! Challenge yourselves, push the edge a bit. As Dr. Seuss said, You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself, any direction you choose. Truer words have never been spoken.

be love <3

jamila

if you are going to love, love completely. anything worth doing is worth doing well

love the love that is so heavy it holds you down like a lifeline, like a paperweight.

love the love that is so fierce it causes a thousand brand new suns to rise and set inside you.

love the love that is so bright it's blinding.

love the love that's so much like home you can see your history in its eyes.

love the love that is love in love. the love that makes the angels in your gut spin in spirals. the love that brings you closer to god and heaven. the love that took you in its hand and shaped you.

love the love that is hard and unyielding as the earth.

love that is flawed. love the love that is forever.


---

this is inspired by Rachel McKibbens' poem last love which you can (and should!) read here

be love.

believe

the world is not a fairytale.
we are not all going to get happy endings

but we can all certainly try.

come live in the space i've made for you in my heart.

when they told us that the world is ours
they lied.
the world does not belong to us, but i hope this makes it almost okay:




we belong to the world.
you belong to me.
but more importantly, i belong to you.

we were never meant to be concrete

this is inspired by my lovely friend tsionah, and her most recent post (read her, she's fabulous.)

it isn’t you that makes my heart
beat/pound/rattle
against the thin bones of my ribcage
it isn’t you that makes my stomach
dance/simmer/flutter
to the tune of your footsteps
it is the idea of the idea of you and me
like next June’s weather forecast
like shadows
and promises
like dreams
and fairytales
we are better off unfulfilled
unsullied by the world
because we could never be as sweet
as the idea of all the things we might be

i'm a woman of action

On March 30th the moment I've been daydreaming in class waiting for will finally come.

John.Mayer

OMGGGGGGGGGGGG I KNOW!!

I'm not a raving, insane fan or anything. I've only mentioned him once. Or twice. Or three times. Or, anyways that's besides the point.

The point is that I have never been to a concert before. I know, I'm deprived. Blame my parents.

But this isn't just a concert to me. It's a first date chance to hear all the words in the bottom of my soul through the guitar. It's a chance to hear feelings, and see art, and for a few hours lose myself in the beauty of truly inspiring music. My parents, worrywarts that they are, are terrified to let me go. I don't know what they think could possibly happen at a JM concert. Maybe a deranged fan will choke me with her John Mayer tshirt?

Or smack me over the head with her guitar?

The point is I must go to this concert. It's vital.

And maybe in the back of my mind I've imagine us locking eyes through the haze and maze of people, and there will be something about me that won't allow him to look away. He'll croon the rest of the songs, not taking his eyes off me, and I'll nod my head because I also feel the connection between us. And then when his concert is over he'll find me, and even if he thinks I look a little young I'll assure him that I am perfectly barely legal, and that age is nothing but a number.

Because what are numbers in the face of true love?

"you carry people. you carry me." hey chuck bass, carry me, please!

Best. Gossip Girl. Episode. Ever.

True, that is an hour (well, more if you count how many times I had to rewind and rewatch...) that I could have spent studying for my Political science final tomorrow, but I HAD to watch it.

Gossip Girl is much more than a TV show for me. It's a part of my schedule. I wait all week for Mondays at nine o'clock. It's the highlight of my life. And I know it goes against everything I believe in, and I am just another victim of society's use of the media to dumb down the masses, but I don't care.

And after watching Chuck Bass Gossip Girl last night I have realized just how incomplete my life is. If you don't watch Gossip Girl, I feel so, so, so, so sorry for you. You are like someone who has only showered their entire life, and never known the luxury of a bath. Like someone who has only ever worn shoes from Payless, and never tried on owned a pair of Louboutins in a Saks fitting room.

(Hey CW, you should hire me!!!!)

And most of all, you are missing out on Chuck Bass. To be honest, he's the only reason I watch the show. His character's so deeply flawed, but saved, he's grown so much in two seasons, he's it's beautiful.

Damn you, Josh Schwartz. You have ruined me for real life.

so dip your pen in blood, and write

i write because i don't know how else to make you understand me.
don't look me in the eyes when i talk, or i will look away.
i don't know how else to show you that i am here, that i am real, that i have something to say, that i need you to listen...
so look at the words spilling across the page, dancing across the page, reaching up and choking you because they are so full of meaning.
this is for the poetry jotted down on post it notes. this is for the love letters you keep in the box under your bed, too afraid to send. this is for the conversations carried out in bathroom stalls, that no one can understand but the reader and the writer.
this is for you.

tell me something about myself

there's something about the way meeting new people makes me feel.
new friends are like the first day of school, the best hair day of your life, and obama all at the same time.

if you're reading, i want to meet you.
who knows, you might be my new best friend, love, enemy, soul sister, brother from another mother, or angel in disguise.

i'll give you a chance, if you give me one.

you're beautiful

you're quite lovely in the glare from the television.

Yahoo questions make me feel better about myself

If you can't see this is what it says:

I'm really in a weird situation because I feel like I'm in love with someone I don't even know (a really really famous celebrity) or at least infatuated with them. At the beginning I used to always use to be on his fan site but I stopped recently. Still I find myself thinking about him all the time and I can't help myself. Whenever I hear a rumor he is dating someone my heart stops and I feel really heartbroken (as silly as it sounds). I hate this but I know that this is more than a crush. I feel like I am a realistic person and even though I tell myself it will never happen I feel like I secretly feel like we will eventually be together. HELP this is really getting out of hand!!!!! Thank You

Dear Girl Asking Silly Question,

It is very disturbing/refreshing to realize that there are people like you out there. Even though I am quite head over heels for Chuck Bass/Nate Archibald/Dan Humphrey there is a fundamental difference between me and you. You are insane, and I am pretty sure that you have no chance with whatever celeb you're crushing over. I on the other hand merely lack transportation. It's a little difficult to introduce yourself to somebody when you're on opposite sides of the country. I know for a FACT that if I were to run into any of the Gossip Girl boys they would be as in love with me as I am with them. Trust me. It's practically a done deal. I advise you to move on and get a life. You're actually kind of pathetic in a completely endearing way. So sorry to be so blunt.

Take care!

RED HOT ALERT

I haven't vanished off the face of the Earth.
I have not been kidnapped for my awesome style tips.
I am still alive, and my heart is still very much beating.
FOR KRIS ALLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He's married :( Is this going to be a pattern?
John Mayer was with Jennifer Aniston, Chuck Bass didn't exist, and Kris Allen is married.
I fail at life.

Fast forward

Sometimes I talk about unimportant things.
And sometimes I talk about really important things, like John Mayer and other cute boys, clothes, and most important of all, American Idol. I talk about world peace, too duh, and things like Obama's healthcare plan and unemployment rates, but really, American Idol.
I'm spontaneous and impulsive, but I've always been a follower of the "Why Fix it if it's Broken" philosophy, and American Idol was definitely not broken. So why, why, why, why did they feel the need to throw my world into complete disarray and add a FOURTH judge to the show?!
Don't get me wrong, Kara Dioguardi is bee-yooo-tiful. But someone please tell me what the point of having a fourth judge is? I would understand if she had some completely radical opinions, but noooooo. All she can do is repeat what the other three judges said. Um, okay? Oh, and since I'm going to be famous one day I don't want this to start some big controversy, so disclaimer!!!! disclaimer!!! No offense intended, Kara love. I mean, you're fabulous and all, just not on American Idol.
So I really, really hope you don't mind that whenever you start to speak on the show I fast forward. And if I've already reached live TV then I mute.
Again, no offense intended.

Sometimes i quote high school musical:

I'm breaking free,
yeah I'm breaking free.

Don't tell me you don't like High School Musical because I won't believe you. People say that all the time, but secretly they know all the words to "Bop to the Top," and they google Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Effron whenever they see a picture of them in People. So don't lie.
But really. I am breaking freeeeeeeeee :)
Lonely days are no more because baby J is back!!!
I'm meeting so many new people at school, it's amazing. And the thing I love the most is that I'm talking to people I would NEVER have spoken to in high school.
Not because I'm a snob or anything, but because I am a lover of all people.
But it's been really eye opening.
Talking about religion with the hardcore New Adventist, talking motorcycles with the Asian that works at Baja Fresh.
I'm learning from the people around me, and it makes want to learn so much more!
There are so many people out there, and it excites me.
If you're listening, I want to meet YOU.
But, I especially want to meet John Mayer.
I know. I'm a little obsessed.

Free Fallin - John Mayer

Guess whose back! back again. Shady, no, I mean J, not Shady! eminem refrences are so five years ago

I'm here, I'm alive, and I'm sorry I've abandoned you!
I already know what you're thinking:
if you can't keep us updated when you have nothing to do, you will totally forget about us when you're famous.
Not to worry folks, ease up. If, sorry, I meant WHEN I'm famous I won't be one of those snooty, not to mention skanky, celebrities that think they're, God forbid, better than you just because they have 156236 dollar purses. Ps. I would NEVER buy a purse that cost that much. It's a sign of insecurity, it screams: Hello, my name's _______, and I'm rich, and if you don't believe me LOOK AT MY BAG!!! I TOLD YOU I WAS RICH!!!
So where have I been?
Um, hello? Turn on the TV any given Tuesday/Wednesday night.
American Idol, duuuhhhhh.
I've decided to audition :) Seriously. So I've been singing nonstop since the season premier, and my mothers been, kindly, mind you, asking me to shut up.
Mother's, man.
And I promise you this is not one of those two minute phases I sometimes go through.
Plus, imagine if I WIN!!!!!!!
Then I'll REALLY be famous.
Plus, I'm sure it will score me points with John Mayer ;)
Did you say Jennifer Aniston ?
Sorry-- I don't know who that is.