it's times like these, when the rest of the world dreams of rainbows and butterflies, and i sit awake in the infinite night, that i feel alone. my heart is heavy, a concrete block in the pit of my chest that i can't breathe away.
in a few short hours it will be morning, and in a few short hours after that, it will be the next day, and i wonder if this is what it's all about, if this is what i've been waiting my whole life for, or if maybe i'm still waiting. and maybe that's my fate. to wait alone at the side of the road for something i can't name, only to be run over by the days that bleed into one another.
i'm alone, in every sense of the word, but maybe we all are. we keep everything inside us- our past, our problems, or questions, the fluttering of our hearts and minds, until it all becomes to heavy. until your knees buckle and you kneel as if in prayer, and you cry to god or whatever it is you believe in, and you say: it's too much. i can't do this anymore. not alone, not at all. you peel yourself off the slick ground. you crawl into bed and hold yourself like you are trying to keep from breaking, and you wait.
you wait for sleep to come.
good night
-j.
