The American dream is the not the quest of every American to own their own home.
Contrary to popular belief, it is not the belief that someone can make it from the slums to the likes of Donald Trump.
No, it's nothing like that.
The American Dream is all about freedom.
It's about driving down the street with the top down, radio blaring, best friend to your right, the sun kissing your face, and wind in your hair.
It's about the need in every single one of us to drive and have a license.
And today at 9:00 AM when I failed my license test, it felt like a part of me died. I felt like freedom was almost in my clutches before a 60+ drive test examiner, whose breath REEKED of alcohol, no less, snatched it away from me.
So let's pray for my American Dream to RIP.
Oh America, you have failed me.
Mar 13, 2009
Mar 11, 2009
All my life my mother has told me that public transportation is the "evil of all evils."
That is a direct quote.
She has told me that public transportation is the truth behind the boogeyman. That it's where girls are raped, and kids are kidnapped, and people are shot, and sometimes homeless people that kind of smell like pee will sit next to you and ask you for money, and if you don't give it to them they'll pull out a knife.
I think you can see where I inherit my tendency to exaggerate.
So, anyways, I have always been afraid of the bus.
I mean, duh. You'd be kind of on crack if you weren't after being told that for so many years.
Then everything changed.
Just this September I decided that I wouldn't be going back to high school, but starting the early college program.
The only problem was I had no way to get there. And I steamed, and I stewed. Cuz, to be honest? I thought maybe she'd have me walk, but I told her, just to be clear, that that was the quickest way to adding me to the National High School Dropout statistics. But she said, oh no, don't worry. I have it all figured out.
And she handed me my very first bus pass.
You can only imagine how I must have felt.
I racked my brain trying to remember what I'd done to deserve a "fate worse then walking ten miles in stilletos." (how do you spell stilletoes?!)
And, no. I admit, that is not a direct quote.
So you see. It turns out she exaggerated when it came to the whole bus thingy.
Which really makes me think about what else isn't true.
Do girls really get raped at high school football parties? Is it really illegal to be out after 6?
How will I ever be able to distinguish truth from my mother's tragic attempts to keep me five forever?
Well, either way.
I'm on to her.
That is a direct quote.
She has told me that public transportation is the truth behind the boogeyman. That it's where girls are raped, and kids are kidnapped, and people are shot, and sometimes homeless people that kind of smell like pee will sit next to you and ask you for money, and if you don't give it to them they'll pull out a knife.
I think you can see where I inherit my tendency to exaggerate.
So, anyways, I have always been afraid of the bus.
I mean, duh. You'd be kind of on crack if you weren't after being told that for so many years.
Then everything changed.
Just this September I decided that I wouldn't be going back to high school, but starting the early college program.
The only problem was I had no way to get there. And I steamed, and I stewed. Cuz, to be honest? I thought maybe she'd have me walk, but I told her, just to be clear, that that was the quickest way to adding me to the National High School Dropout statistics. But she said, oh no, don't worry. I have it all figured out.
And she handed me my very first bus pass.
You can only imagine how I must have felt.
I racked my brain trying to remember what I'd done to deserve a "fate worse then walking ten miles in stilletos." (how do you spell stilletoes?!)
And, no. I admit, that is not a direct quote.
So you see. It turns out she exaggerated when it came to the whole bus thingy.
Which really makes me think about what else isn't true.
Do girls really get raped at high school football parties? Is it really illegal to be out after 6?
How will I ever be able to distinguish truth from my mother's tragic attempts to keep me five forever?
Well, either way.
I'm on to her.
Mar 5, 2009
Fast forward
Sometimes I talk about unimportant things.
And sometimes I talk about really important things, like John Mayer and other cute boys, clothes, and most important of all, American Idol. I talk about world peace, too duh, and things like Obama's healthcare plan and unemployment rates, but really, American Idol.
I'm spontaneous and impulsive, but I've always been a follower of the "Why Fix it if it's Broken" philosophy, and American Idol was definitely not broken. So why, why, why, why did they feel the need to throw my world into complete disarray and add a FOURTH judge to the show?!
Don't get me wrong, Kara Dioguardi is bee-yooo-tiful. But someone please tell me what the point of having a fourth judge is? I would understand if she had some completely radical opinions, but noooooo. All she can do is repeat what the other three judges said. Um, okay? Oh, and since I'm going to be famous one day I don't want this to start some big controversy, so disclaimer!!!! disclaimer!!! No offense intended, Kara love. I mean, you're fabulous and all, just not on American Idol.
So I really, really hope you don't mind that whenever you start to speak on the show I fast forward. And if I've already reached live TV then I mute.
Again, no offense intended.
And sometimes I talk about really important things, like John Mayer and other cute boys, clothes, and most important of all, American Idol. I talk about world peace, too duh, and things like Obama's healthcare plan and unemployment rates, but really, American Idol.
I'm spontaneous and impulsive, but I've always been a follower of the "Why Fix it if it's Broken" philosophy, and American Idol was definitely not broken. So why, why, why, why did they feel the need to throw my world into complete disarray and add a FOURTH judge to the show?!
Don't get me wrong, Kara Dioguardi is bee-yooo-tiful. But someone please tell me what the point of having a fourth judge is? I would understand if she had some completely radical opinions, but noooooo. All she can do is repeat what the other three judges said. Um, okay? Oh, and since I'm going to be famous one day I don't want this to start some big controversy, so disclaimer!!!! disclaimer!!! No offense intended, Kara love. I mean, you're fabulous and all, just not on American Idol.
So I really, really hope you don't mind that whenever you start to speak on the show I fast forward. And if I've already reached live TV then I mute.
Again, no offense intended.
Feb 20, 2009
I am ready.
I have never been more ready.
This coming Tuesday I will take my driving license test!
*Hold for applause.
I know! Exciting, huh? Nerve wracking? You bet.
But it's okay. I've wanted to drive ever since I wanted to go places out of walking distance.
But I'm worried about one thing.
I may have mentioned my parent's overprotective nature. Allow me to elaborate.
When I was in third grade there was park across the street, but I was never allowed to go and play there with the neighborhood kids until I was in fifth grade. Even then my mother would hold my hand across the street and then leave me only to check up on me every 15 minutes. And that was completely unnecessary because more then once a kid would say "hey J, why is your mom watching us play soccer from the window?" and when I would look up she would hastily draw the blinds.
I wasn't allowed to cross the street until the summer after fifth grade. And, please give me more credit: I knew better then to ask about the big roads with actual cars, I'm talking neighborhood streets here, where the only think you can get hit by is little Sammy on his bicycle and the old ladies that powerwalk around the block.
See where I'm going with this?
I am counting on this license to be my life flight out of my boring life. But I'm afraid that my parents will, once again, find a way to set so many regulations that I will stay home because it will be too much of a HASSLE to drive anywhere.
But I watch a lot of TV and I read a lot of books.
So even though I've never sneaken (or is it snuken?) out before, desperate times call for desperate measures.
And as Blair Waldorf (if you don't know who she is I have lost all respect for you. just kidding! who said that?):
This one will be different. I need to wait for my moment, and then I'm going black-ops. Off the radar. No accountability. This war I'm gonna win.
Ms. Waldorf, great minds think alike. Please let the producer of your show know that he NEEDS me on his show!!! I would fit in perfectly. Beg, okay? And be sure to let me know what he says.
I have never been more ready.
This coming Tuesday I will take my driving license test!
*Hold for applause.
I know! Exciting, huh? Nerve wracking? You bet.
But it's okay. I've wanted to drive ever since I wanted to go places out of walking distance.
But I'm worried about one thing.
I may have mentioned my parent's overprotective nature. Allow me to elaborate.
When I was in third grade there was park across the street, but I was never allowed to go and play there with the neighborhood kids until I was in fifth grade. Even then my mother would hold my hand across the street and then leave me only to check up on me every 15 minutes. And that was completely unnecessary because more then once a kid would say "hey J, why is your mom watching us play soccer from the window?" and when I would look up she would hastily draw the blinds.
I wasn't allowed to cross the street until the summer after fifth grade. And, please give me more credit: I knew better then to ask about the big roads with actual cars, I'm talking neighborhood streets here, where the only think you can get hit by is little Sammy on his bicycle and the old ladies that powerwalk around the block.
See where I'm going with this?
I am counting on this license to be my life flight out of my boring life. But I'm afraid that my parents will, once again, find a way to set so many regulations that I will stay home because it will be too much of a HASSLE to drive anywhere.
But I watch a lot of TV and I read a lot of books.
So even though I've never sneaken (or is it snuken?) out before, desperate times call for desperate measures.
And as Blair Waldorf (if you don't know who she is I have lost all respect for you. just kidding! who said that?):
This one will be different. I need to wait for my moment, and then I'm going black-ops. Off the radar. No accountability. This war I'm gonna win.
Ms. Waldorf, great minds think alike. Please let the producer of your show know that he NEEDS me on his show!!! I would fit in perfectly. Beg, okay? And be sure to let me know what he says.
Feb 16, 2009
Sometimes i quote high school musical:
I'm breaking free,
yeah I'm breaking free.
Don't tell me you don't like High School Musical because I won't believe you. People say that all the time, but secretly they know all the words to "Bop to the Top," and they google Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Effron whenever they see a picture of them in People. So don't lie.
But really. I am breaking freeeeeeeeee :)
Lonely days are no more because baby J is back!!!
I'm meeting so many new people at school, it's amazing. And the thing I love the most is that I'm talking to people I would NEVER have spoken to in high school.
Not because I'm a snob or anything, but because I am a lover of all people.
But it's been really eye opening.
Talking about religion with the hardcore New Adventist, talking motorcycles with the Asian that works at Baja Fresh.
I'm learning from the people around me, and it makes want to learn so much more!
There are so many people out there, and it excites me.
If you're listening, I want to meet YOU.
But, I especially want to meet John Mayer.
I know. I'm a little obsessed.
Free Fallin - John Mayer
yeah I'm breaking free.
Don't tell me you don't like High School Musical because I won't believe you. People say that all the time, but secretly they know all the words to "Bop to the Top," and they google Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Effron whenever they see a picture of them in People. So don't lie.
But really. I am breaking freeeeeeeeee :)
Lonely days are no more because baby J is back!!!
I'm meeting so many new people at school, it's amazing. And the thing I love the most is that I'm talking to people I would NEVER have spoken to in high school.
Not because I'm a snob or anything, but because I am a lover of all people.
But it's been really eye opening.
Talking about religion with the hardcore New Adventist, talking motorcycles with the Asian that works at Baja Fresh.
I'm learning from the people around me, and it makes want to learn so much more!
There are so many people out there, and it excites me.
If you're listening, I want to meet YOU.
But, I especially want to meet John Mayer.
I know. I'm a little obsessed.
Free Fallin - John Mayer
Feb 13, 2009
Guess whose back! back again. Shady, no, I mean J, not Shady! eminem refrences are so five years ago
I'm here, I'm alive, and I'm sorry I've abandoned you!
I already know what you're thinking:
if you can't keep us updated when you have nothing to do, you will totally forget about us when you're famous.
Not to worry folks, ease up. If, sorry, I meant WHEN I'm famous I won't be one of those snooty, not to mention skanky, celebrities that think they're, God forbid, better than you just because they have 156236 dollar purses. Ps. I would NEVER buy a purse that cost that much. It's a sign of insecurity, it screams: Hello, my name's _______, and I'm rich, and if you don't believe me LOOK AT MY BAG!!! I TOLD YOU I WAS RICH!!!
So where have I been?
Um, hello? Turn on the TV any given Tuesday/Wednesday night.
American Idol, duuuhhhhh.
I've decided to audition :) Seriously. So I've been singing nonstop since the season premier, and my mothers been, kindly, mind you, asking me to shut up.
Mother's, man.
And I promise you this is not one of those two minute phases I sometimes go through.
Plus, imagine if I WIN!!!!!!!
Then I'll REALLY be famous.
Plus, I'm sure it will score me points with John Mayer ;)
Did you say Jennifer Aniston ?
Sorry-- I don't know who that is.
I already know what you're thinking:
if you can't keep us updated when you have nothing to do, you will totally forget about us when you're famous.
Not to worry folks, ease up. If, sorry, I meant WHEN I'm famous I won't be one of those snooty, not to mention skanky, celebrities that think they're, God forbid, better than you just because they have 156236 dollar purses. Ps. I would NEVER buy a purse that cost that much. It's a sign of insecurity, it screams: Hello, my name's _______, and I'm rich, and if you don't believe me LOOK AT MY BAG!!! I TOLD YOU I WAS RICH!!!
So where have I been?
Um, hello? Turn on the TV any given Tuesday/Wednesday night.
American Idol, duuuhhhhh.
I've decided to audition :) Seriously. So I've been singing nonstop since the season premier, and my mothers been, kindly, mind you, asking me to shut up.
Mother's, man.
And I promise you this is not one of those two minute phases I sometimes go through.
Plus, imagine if I WIN!!!!!!!
Then I'll REALLY be famous.
Plus, I'm sure it will score me points with John Mayer ;)
Did you say Jennifer Aniston ?
Sorry-- I don't know who that is.
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